The Parent Call You Should Make BEFORE You Ever Have a Problem

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One of the best parent communication strategies for teachers is also one I almost didn’t do.

Make a positive phone call home before you ever have a problem.

Not after a student starts misbehaving.

Not when assignments are missing.

Not when grades begin falling.

Not after you have already become frustrated.

Call when everything is fine.

I know what some teachers are thinking.

“I don’t have time to call parents just to say hello.”

I understand because I thought the exact same thing.

But one workshop completely changed the way I handled teacher-parent communication, and what I reluctantly tried that year became something I continued every year afterward.

The Workshop Advice I Thought Would Waste My Time

Years ago, when I was teaching fourth grade, I attended a workshop where the presenter recommended that teachers call every student’s family at the beginning of the school year.

Just to introduce ourselves.

Just to say something positive.

Just to start building the relationship.

And I remember thinking:

This is going to take forever.

Like most teachers at the beginning of the year, I already had more than enough to do.

There were lesson plans.

Papers.

Classroom routines.

Meetings.

Assessments.

Copies.

Supplies.

And everything else that comes with getting a classroom running.

Now I was supposed to call every parent too?

I didn’t exactly leave that workshop excited about the idea.

But I decided to try it.

Begrudgingly.

I called every family in my fourth-grade class.

And it made a world of difference.

That First Year Changed My Mind Completely

The calls were simple.

I introduced myself.

I told parents I was happy to have their child in my class.

I shared something positive I had already noticed whenever I could.

And I let them know I wanted us to work together that year.

That was it.

I wasn’t calling because anything was wrong.

I wasn’t asking them to fix anything.

I wasn’t delivering bad news.

I was simply starting the relationship.

And those few minutes changed many of the conversations I had later that year.

When I eventually needed to call about a behavior issue, missing work, academic concern, or something that happened at school, I wasn’t a stranger suddenly calling with bad news.

We had already talked.

They already knew who I was.

More importantly, they knew that I had noticed something good about their child too.

That mattered.

I saw such a difference that I continued making those beginning-of-the-year calls every year after that.

Research and current teacher guidance continue to recommend this kind of proactive contact. Early positive communication can create a foundation for stronger relationships before academic or behavioral concerns occur.

Why Positive Parent Communication Works

Think about this from the parent’s side.

Imagine the first call you receive from your child’s teacher starts like this:

“Hello, I’m calling because we had an issue today.”

Immediately, you’re on alert.

Now imagine you already received this call three weeks earlier:

“Hi, this is Mrs. Crews. I wanted to introduce myself and tell you how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know Jordan. He made me laugh today, and I can already tell he brings a lot of personality to our classroom.”

Completely different starting point.

The second parent already knows:

This teacher sees my child.

That does not mean the parent will agree with everything you say later.

And it certainly does not guarantee that every difficult parent conversation will suddenly become easy.

But you have started with something incredibly valuable.

Trust.

Don’t Wait Until You Have Something Big to Say

A positive phone call home does not need to be a conference.

That is where teachers sometimes make this harder than it needs to be.

You’re not calling to discuss the entire curriculum.

You’re not reviewing test scores.

You’re not explaining every classroom expectation.

You’re not conducting a 30-minute parent meeting.

This can be a two-to-five-minute conversation.

Try:

“Hi, this is Mrs. Crews, Jordan’s fourth-grade teacher. I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you that I’ve really enjoyed having Jordan in class. He’s been participating and getting to know everyone, and I’m looking forward to working with him this year.”

Pause.

Let the parent respond.

Then you might add:

“Is there anything you’d like me to know about Jordan as we’re getting started?”

That one question can tell you a lot.

What Should I Say During a Positive Parent Phone Call?

Keep it simple.

You really only need four things.

1. Introduce Yourself

Tell them your name, what you teach, and why you’re calling.

For example:

“Hi, this is Mrs. Crews. I’m Maya’s fourth-grade teacher. Nothing is wrong! I just wanted to introduce myself and tell you how much I’m enjoying having her in class.”

I especially like saying “Nothing is wrong” early.

Parents are often surprised when teachers call with good news.

Some immediately assume something happened.

Put them at ease.

2. Share One Specific Positive Thing

Do not feel like you need a dramatic story.

Small things count.

You could say:

“Marcus helped another student get organized today.”

“Taylor has been participating during our class discussions.”

“Devin came in ready to work this morning.”

“Aaliyah has such a wonderful sense of humor.”

“Tyler kept working even when today’s assignment was difficult.”

“I’ve noticed how kind Olivia is to other students.”

Specific beats generic.

Instead of:

“She’s doing great.”

Try:

“I’ve noticed that she really listens when other students are sharing.”

Now the parent knows you are actually noticing their child.

3. Let Them Tell You Something About Their Child

One of the smartest things you can do as a teacher is become a student of your students.

Ask families what they see that you may not see yet.

Try:

“What would you like me to know about him?”

“What does she really enjoy?”

“Is there anything that helps him feel successful at school?”

“What is something she’s really good at that I may not have seen yet?”

You may learn about a talent, fear, interest, family situation, learning preference, previous school experience, or motivation that helps you connect with that student later.

Current family-engagement guidance also recommends learning how families prefer to communicate and inviting them to share information about their child early in the year.

4. End With Partnership

You don’t need a long closing.

Try:

“I’m looking forward to working with you this year.”

Or:

“Please feel free to reach out if you ever have a question.”

Or:

“I just wanted our first conversation to be a good one.”

That last one may even get you a laugh.

And now you’ve opened the door.

The Most Important Students to Call Might Surprise You

When teachers start making positive calls, they naturally think about the students who are already doing well.

Call them.

They deserve it.

But don’t stop there.

Pay special attention to the student who you suspect may eventually require a harder conversation.

Maybe the student:

• calls out frequently
• struggles to stay focused
• already pushes boundaries
• avoids work
• has difficulty with peers
• arrives frustrated every morning
• seems determined to test every classroom procedure you’ve taught

Find something positive.

And call home before the problem becomes the reason for your first call.

This doesn’t mean being fake.

Parents know their children.

Don’t say:

“Everything is fantastic!”

when it clearly isn’t.

Find something real.

“James had a tough morning, but I really appreciated how he reset himself after lunch.”

That’s honest.

That’s specific.

And it lets the family know that you see more than the behavior.

Positive Does NOT Mean Avoiding Difficult Conversations

This part is important.

Building relationships with parents does not mean avoiding accountability.

You still need to contact families when:

• behavior becomes a pattern
• academic performance is concerning
• work is repeatedly missing
• safety is involved
• attendance becomes a concern
• school procedures require communication

The positive call is not a trick to make parents agree with you later.

It is relationship building.

You are showing families from the beginning:

“I want to communicate with you about your child, not just your child’s problems.”

That distinction matters.

What If School Has Already Started?

Call anyway.

This strategy does not expire after the first week of school.

Maybe you’re reading this in September.

October.

November.

You can still start.

Do not think:

“Well, I missed my chance.”

You didn’t.

Try:

“Hi, Mrs. Jackson. I realized we’ve been in school several weeks and I haven’t had a chance to personally introduce myself. I wanted to reach out and tell you something I’ve really enjoyed about Malik.”

Done.

You don’t need to explain why you didn’t call earlier.

You don’t need to apologize for the date.

Start where you are.

It’s never too late to build the relationship before you need it.

But Monica, What If I Have 100 Students?

I know.

Elementary teachers may have 20 to 30 families.

A middle or high school teacher may teach:

75.

100.

150 students or more.

No, I am not telling you to sit down Friday night and make 150 phone calls.

Please don’t do that.

Create a system.

Try the Five-a-Day Parent Communication System

Pick five students each day.

Monday: 5 contacts
Tuesday: 5 contacts
Wednesday: 5 contacts
Thursday: 5 contacts
Friday: 5 contacts

That’s 25 family contacts in one week.

In four weeks?

100 families.

And not every contact needs to be a phone call.

Depending on your school’s policies and approved communication systems, you might combine:

• phone calls
• emails
• school messaging apps
• parent portals
• quick conversations at arrival or dismissal
• messages through your district-approved communication platform

The goal is not:

100 phone calls immediately.

The goal is:

100 families who hear something from you before their only communication is about a problem.

That’s much more realistic.

Recent teacher guidance suggests similar systems such as calling a few families each day or using a five-student routine to make outreach manageable rather than trying to do everything at once.

A Middle and High School Example

Let’s say you teach seventh-grade science and have 120 students.

Start with one class period.

Choose five students.

Send:

Student 1: positive email
Student 2: quick phone call
Student 3: school communication app
Student 4: email
Student 5: phone call

Tomorrow, choose five more.

Keep going.

You can even choose students strategically.

Monday

Students whose families you have never contacted.

Tuesday

Students who are doing something especially well.

Wednesday

Students who are beginning to struggle.

Thursday

Students who don’t normally receive attention because they quietly do what they’re supposed to do.

Friday

Students you want to know better.

Now parent communication becomes a system, not another enormous task.

Keep a Simple Parent Communication Log

Please do not rely on your memory.

You will forget who you called.

Keep a simple record.

You only need:

Student	Date	Method	Positive Note	Follow-Up Needed
Jordan	9/3	Phone	Participating in math	No
Maya	9/3	Email	Helped classmate	No
Devin	9/4	Message	Strong effort	Check in Friday

That’s enough.

This becomes even more useful later when a parent says:

“No one ever told me.”

You have documentation.

And if you’re a new teacher preparing for an observation or meeting with an administrator, being able to show consistent family communication is valuable too.

Don’t Make Every Positive Contact About Grades

This is another mistake I would avoid.

Some students may not be academically strong yet.

You can still find something worth sharing.

Call about:

Effort.

Kindness.

Improvement.

Participation.

Responsibility.

Creativity.

Persistence.

Leadership.

Humor.

Helping someone else.

This connects to something I strongly believe:

Every child has strengths.

Part of our job is finding them.

Sometimes a parent needs to hear that somebody at school sees those strengths too.

Don’t Only Contact the “Easy” Families

This is where the strategy becomes powerful.

It is very easy to call the parent of the student who:

Gets everything right.

Turns in every assignment.

Never talks out of turn.

Always raises a hand.

Of course, recognize that student.

But intentionally look for something positive about the child who challenges you too.

That relationship may matter even more later.

If you’ve already called home saying:

“Darius gave a really thoughtful answer during our discussion today,”

and three weeks later you need to say:

“I’m starting to see a pattern during independent work that I’d like us to work on together,”

the conversation begins from a completely different place.

What If a Parent Doesn’t Answer?

Don’t turn this into another chore.

Leave an appropriate message if your school’s policy allows it.

Send an email.

Use your school’s approved messaging system.

Try another day.

Then document the attempt and move on.

You cannot control whether every family responds.

Your job is to make the effort and create opportunities for communication.

Your First Parent Contact Shouldn’t Always Be Bad News

As an assistant principal, teacher coach, and classroom teacher, I’ve seen how much harder parent conversations become when the relationship begins only after something has gone wrong.

By then:

The teacher may already be frustrated.

The student may already be frustrated.

The parent may feel defensive.

And everybody enters the conversation focused on the problem.

That’s why I keep coming back to something that workshop presenter told me all those years ago.

Call first.

I thought it was going to waste my time.

Instead, it saved me headaches later.

It changed how families responded to me.

It changed how comfortable I felt contacting parents.

And I saw enough of a difference with those fourth graders that I made those calls every year afterward.

Your Simple Parent Communication Plan for This Week

Don’t overcomplicate this.

Step 1: Print or pull up your class roster.

Step 2: Choose five students.

Step 3: Find one genuine positive thing about each student.

Step 4: Contact those five families.

Step 5: Keep each conversation short.

Step 6: Record the contact.

Step 7: Choose five more tomorrow.

That’s it.

Five families at a time.

You don’t need a complicated parent engagement program.

You need consistency.

What Do You Say When There Actually IS a Problem?

Eventually, you will need to make a more difficult parent call.

That’s part of teaching.

But now you’ve done something important first.

You built the relationship before you needed the relationship.

And that leads us directly to the next conversation:

What should you actually say when you need to contact a parent about behavior?

Because there is a big difference between:

“Your child is being disrespectful.”

and

“I’ve noticed a pattern I’d like us to work together on.”

The words you choose matter.

The timing matters.

And what you’ve done before that phone call matters too.

Need Ready-to-Use Parent Communication Help?

Sometimes knowing you should contact parents is easy.

Figuring out what to say is the hard part.

That’s why I created practical parent communication resources teachers can use instead of staring at a blank email or worrying about how to start a difficult phone call.

[LINK TO 25 QUICK EMAILS FOR STRONG TEACHER-PARENT RELATIONSHIPS]

And if you’re a new or lateral-entry teacher who needs more support with parent communication, behavior documentation, classroom systems, observations, and those situations nobody really prepared you for, take a look at my New Teacher Survival Toolkit.

[LEARN MORE ABOUT THE NEW TEACHER SURVIVAL TOOLKIT]

One Last Thing

If your school year has already started and you haven’t made those positive contacts yet, don’t use that as a reason not to begin.

Pick five students tomorrow.

Find something good.

Make the call.

Send the email.

Start the relationship.

Years ago, I thought those calls were going to take away time I didn’t have.

Instead, they became one of the best investments of time I made as a teacher.

The best time to build a relationship with a parent is before you need their help solving a problem.

And if you missed that opportunity yesterday?

Today still works.